Posted: Fri Feb 29, 2008 1:07 am Post subject: Democrat, a Republican, or a Southerner?
Are you a Democrat, a Republican, or a Southerner?
Here is a little test that will help you decide.
The answer can be found by posing the following question:
You're walking down a deserted street with your wife
and two small children.
Suddenly, an Islamic Terrorist with a huge knife
comes around the corner, locks eyes with you,
screams obscenities, praises Allah, raises the
knife, and charges at you.
You are carrying a loaded pistol, and you are an expert shot.
You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family. What
do you do?
..........................................................
THINK CAREFULLY AND THEN SCROLL DOWN:
Democrat's Answer :
Well, that's not enough information to answer the question!
Does the man look poor or oppressed?
Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire
him to attack?
Could we run away?
What does my wife think?
What about the kids?
Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock
the knife out of his hand?
What does the law say about this situation?
Does the Glock have appropriate safety built into it?
Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind
of message does this send to society and to my children?
Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me?
Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be
content just to wound me?
If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my
family get away while he was stabbing me?
Should I call 9-1-1 ?
Why is this street so deserted?
We need to raise taxes, have paint and weed day and
make this happier, healthier street that would
discourage such behavior.
This is all so confusing! I need to debate this with
some friends for few days and try to come to a consensus.
................................................................................
................................
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!BANG! BANG!
BANG! Click..... (Sounds of reloading)
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!BANG! BANG!
BANG! Click
Daughter: "Nice grouping, Daddy! Were those the
Winchester Silver Tips or Hollow Points?"
Son: "Can I shoot the next one!"
Wife: "You ain't taking that to the Taxidermist! _________________ Blessed are the Cracked, for they are the ones who let in the light!
Joined: Mar 31, 2007 Posts: 3095 Location: Texas but, I've been known to get on a bus with the boys.
Posted: Mon Jun 09, 2008 4:11 pm Post subject:
An Interview With An 80-year-old Woman
The local news station was interviewing an 80-year-old lady
Because she had just gotten married -- for the fourth time.
The interviewer asked her questions about her life, about
What it felt like to be marrying again at 80 , and then about
Her new husband's occupation.
"He's a funeral director," she answered.
"Interesting," the newsman thought. He then asked her if she
Wouldn't mind telling him a little about her first three
Husbands and what they did for a living.
She paused for a few moments, needing time to reflect on all
Those years. After a short time, a smile came to her face
And she answered proudly, explaining that she'd first
Married a banker when she was in her early 20s, then a
Circus ringmaster when in her 40s, later on a preacher when
In her 60s, and now in her 80s, a funeral director.
The interviewer looked at her, quite astonished, and asked
Why she had married four men with such diverse careers.
She smiled and explained, "I married one for the money, two
For the show, three to get ready, and four to go." _________________ ONE LOVE, ONE OCEAN
Joined: Mar 31, 2007 Posts: 3095 Location: Texas but, I've been known to get on a bus with the boys.
Posted: Mon Jun 09, 2008 4:12 pm Post subject:
A BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES...
A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her Porsche and was pulled
over by a woman police officer who was also a blonde.
The blonde cop asked to see the blonde's driver's license.
She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.
'What does it look like officer?' she finally asked.
The policewoman replied, 'It's square and it has your picture on it.'
The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it
and handed it to the policewoman.
'Here it is,' she said. The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then
handed it back saying, 'Okay, out of professional courtesy you can go, I didn't realize you were a cop.' 'Slow down and stay safe' _________________ ONE LOVE, ONE OCEAN
Joined: Mar 31, 2007 Posts: 3095 Location: Texas but, I've been known to get on a bus with the boys.
Posted: Fri Jun 13, 2008 6:38 pm Post subject:
I was having trouble with my computer. So I called Richard, the 11 year old next door whose bedroom looks like Mission Control, and asked him to come over.
Richard clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem.
As he was walking away, I called after him, 'So, what was wrong? He replied, 'It was an ID ten T error.'
I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired, 'An, ID ten T error? What's that? In case I need to fix it again.'
Richard grinned.... 'Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?'
'No,' I replied. 'Write it down,' he said, 'and I think you'll figure it out.'
So I wrote down: I D 1 0 T ... I used to like the little shit............. _________________ ONE LOVE, ONE OCEAN
OK,
A man goes into the Oral Surgeons office to get a tooth cut out.
The doctor grabs a needle to numb his mouth and the man says
" No way Doc! I can't stand needles!!!!!"
So the doctor turned around and grabbed the laughing gas mask. The man says "No way Doc I can't handle the thought of that mask over my face. I'll feel like I'm suffocating!!"
So the doctor asked him " Do you Have any problems with pills?"
" No I'm fine with pills" he replied.
The doctor left the room and a couple of minutes later came back and handed the man a tablet of Viagra.
The guy looked at him and said "WOW! I didn't know Viagra acted as a pain killer!"
the doctor said "It doesn't but it will give you something to hold onto while I pull that tooth!"
Joined: Mar 31, 2007 Posts: 3095 Location: Texas but, I've been known to get on a bus with the boys.
Posted: Thu Sep 04, 2008 7:41 pm Post subject:
ROFL! Big Mikey sent this to me in an email a few days ago. You have to admit, the doctor did come up with a good alternative. Well if you're a guy. What if you're a girlie? _________________ ONE LOVE, ONE OCEAN
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